Social dancing: Making good for that no

The challenge of rejection in social dancing is often downplayed to the extent that we almost lie about it. I’m not just talking about getting a no when asking for a dance but also about not being asked at all or so little that it is such a pain to go social dancing that you don’t go.

Rejection is a huge problem, we must find ways to make social dancing more social, more inclusive.

1. Where are they now?

The regular dancers often don’t see the problem. But we are only the tip of the iceberg. It is easy to forget all our dance school class mates that didn’t made it to social dancing or they only lasted a few nerve-wracking times.

In this blog post I will only address the problem of getting a no when asking for a dance. In another blog post, Social dancing: How to cope with rejection, I put forward my own strategy for how to handle rejections.

We will look at how the Follows really could be helpful, if they were a little more considerate and with great benefits to themselves.

2. Strong guys also cry

I am strong and stable, an optimistic and positive type. I have had bad moments and depressions in my life but they never lasted a full hour. I want to control my feelings with logic and my mind, not the other way round.

I’m the “I can conquer the world” type of guy, full of self confidence but if you ask me directly, and tell me not to lie, here is the truth.

If a woman I haven’t danced with before, a woman I don’t know but have seen around enough to recognize her again, say no to me when I ask her for a dance, in a situation where I expected a yes, almost no matter how good and valid her reason is, the likelihood of me ever asking that woman for a dance again is close to zero.

3. Why not just ask again?

Of cause I will always give anyone a second chance, forever. That is my natural mindset and behavior. I am not a slave of my feelings, I am on top of the world and want to carry on, no grouches or bad feelings, a new day tomorrow.

But for most people theory, ideals and good intentions don’t last long, when you are really tested and challenged to the core of your existence. Reality is seldom the best of all worlds.

The reason is obvious. If a no can hit you like a hammer (not that big a deal for me anymore), the prospect of a possible second no is terrifying for many people.

It can cause a meltdown deep inside your soul, hard to explain. I simply don’t want to run the risk of a second no if I can help it.

4. A no is always ok

So her is my advice to any person having said no to another human being. Of cause you should say no, if you don’t want to dance to that piece of music, if you are tired or want a break or if you have already promised that dance to someone else.

Of cause you should say no if you for some reason sense bad chemistry, or you from observation already know that you really don’t like that Lead’s style or attitude, you might even feel that you can be put into harms way on the dance floor by his far out Complicado style of dancing.

For God’s sake say no. I would go as far as to say, that most people should say no more often. One should not say yes to a dance if one is not going to commit oneself 100% to make that dance a success.

5. Just think about it

Please be friendly to that other human being. Give the reason if appropriate and try to put on a smile that does not fell like a rejection. I know that a no often happens fast at a social dance, that the music can make verbal communication almost impossible, and I do accept that it is nobody’s business to know the reason for another person’s no.

To give a reason only makes sense when it is spontaneous, voluntary, done in the most natural way.

6. Making it good again

If your no was not a hard no, not a rejection, but just a no because of all the good reasons we have in this world for not saying yes, then try and make that no good again.

If you ask that guy for a dance later in the evening, it could even be a month or a year later, you will not only make that guy happy but win a friend for the rest of your life.

You have lifted such an emotional burden from deep inside that human being’s soul, that no matter how big a badass you might be in general, this guy will recommend you for a fast track free ride to heaven.

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